Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
