Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
