I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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