Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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