Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
