I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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