If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
