Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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