After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
