i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
