i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
