So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
