Please, let me fuck your mom
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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