Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
