my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
