I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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