apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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