I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
