I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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