So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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