I wanna bring you to show and tell
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's official drugs can't kill me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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