drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize