Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
