Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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