That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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