ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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