So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life is so much better after having sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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