I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
