i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
