happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
