And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
