dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
