i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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