My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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