I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
