Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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