I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
