my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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