Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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