i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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