I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
MIDGETS
????
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
