just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
