you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
