I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
