Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
