meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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