I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
