On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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