My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
