I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Holy shit dude........stairs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
