R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
