Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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