would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
