i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
