We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
