Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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