This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
