Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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