did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
