When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
