I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have post one night stand depression
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
