Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
