I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
