Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
