My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
