I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
