hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
