Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
