it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
