You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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