I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize