You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
