She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
